✦
NO.

THE MOTHER OF ALL PEPES

PEPE
VAY-YA!

$PEPENAY

She logged onto the internet once.
The internet immediately cleaned its room.

MEET YOUR INTERNET MOM ↓
PEPE!
VAY-YA!
PEPE VAY-YA pointing with a slipper
GET A JOB • DRINK WATER • CALL YOUR MOTHER • CLOSE THAT TAB • GET A JOB • DRINK WATER • CALL YOUR MOTHER • CLOSE THAT TAB •
4:07 AM
STILL ONLINE?
PEPE VAY-YA bringing soup〰 〰 〰

CHAPTER 01 / THE INCIDENT

EVERY PEPE
HAS A MOTHER.

Nobody knows where she came from. One minute the web was a lawless swamp. The next, a floral house dress appeared in the doorway and asked why the good towels were on the floor.

They call her PEPE VAY-YA—part name, part warning shouted from three rooms away.

“I DON’T CARE IF YOU’RE VIRAL.
THE TRASH GOES OUT ON TUESDAY.”

ARCHIVED FROM THE FAMILY GROUP CHAT

OPEN THE
FAMILY ALBUM.

The full PEPE VAY-YA family portrait
THE ANNUAL “EVERYONE LOOK NORMAL” PORTRAIT — NOBODY DID.

twenty-three children. zero quiet weekends.

HOUSE POLICY / NON-NEGOTIABLE

MOM’S
INTERNET
RULES.

Terms of service, except she actually read them.

  1. 01NO DOOMSCROLLING
    AFTER MIDNIGHT.    your thumb needs sleep too
  2. 02IF IT SOUNDS TOO GOOD,
    IT NEEDS MORE GARLIC.    applies to everything
  3. 03YOU ARE NOT “BUILDING.”
    YOU ARE IN PAJAMAS.    put on a real shirt
  4. 04BE NICE TO THE WEIRD KIDS.they run the internet now
CHORES COMPLETED
╲__╲____
-99%
PEPE VAY-YA waiting with crossed arms

YOU’VE REACHED THE END OF THE INTERNET

GOOD.
NOW GO
OUTSIDE.

Mom will keep the soup warm.

TG ↗X ↗PUMP.FUN ↗